(en) Ireland, Anarcha-feminist RAG - Parenting and Activism - Notes from a discussion at Lady&Trans*fest, Sunday 30th March 2014 by Shonagh

This meeting took place upstairs in the WSM room in Seomra Spraoi, which was once the 
kindergarten space. Present were a group of parents, guardians, prospective parents, 
allies and some children. Shonagh and Marianne facilitated on behalf of RAG. ---- The 
meeting began with a round of names and the question, ?what do you hope to get from this 
discussion?? Parents were interested in how to involve themselves and their children, how 
to maintain their activism in the face of obstacles, and to build connections. Allies were 
interested in exploring how to make spaces and events more welcoming and inclusive for 
parents and children, how to support them, and to hear different approaches and 
perspectives. A couple of people had attended thinking the meeting was on something else, 
however they stayed, and made valuable contributions!

The rest of the meeting was structured as a facilitated discussion tackling three questions:

1) What has/could becoming a parent brought/bring to your activism?

2) What barriers does/could parenthood present to activism?

3) What would you like to change or see happen? What would inclusive spaces look like?

My notes take the form of a picture on my phone of some whiteboard scribblings! In this 
report I'll do my best to reform a narrative around these points and try to do the 
excellent discussion some justice.

The very experience of becoming a parent is a politicising event for many. As a woman, 
being thrust into the broken healthcare system to birth and being exposed to the abuses 
within it shocks many into developing their feminist analysis, and practical skills to 
negotiate their safety while engaging with this system. Likewise, becoming a single 
parent, or being forced to engage with and negotiate the welfare system, or being exposed 
to the prejudices in society can be intensely politicising. Queer people become suddenly 
far more radical and visible by virtue of now existing as queer parents. We are now more 
subject to societal scrutiny and judgement and the exhausting process of defence/ 
justification/ existence. As parents we have to become involved with societal systems that 
we may never have had to think about before and to make choices for ourselves and our 
children, including healthcare and schooling, and the avoidance of the church. We may find 
ourselves suddenly making links with other parents in similar circumstances, or creating 
support networks and groups ? such as queer parents groups, local support networks and 
birth activism. For many, parenthood is a focusing event in their activist life; shifting 
the focus from the global, the external, to the personal, the body, and our daily lives, 
our communities.

However it can be noted that, especially in our communities, becoming a parent means 
becoming invisible. There is the feeling that when activists become parents, they 
gradually just conform and disappear, leaving activism to the young and the childless. 
Some manage to engage in campaigns only on ?days off? - when the children are being minded 
elsewhere ? this compartmentalisation of family life, while sometimes necessary, is 
exhausting and unsustainable if it is the expected norm. This separation and disappearance 
is not the norm in other countries, and certainly not in communities where anarchism took 
hold and became a viable system. All members of the community have to be valued and 
involved in order for it to be self sustaining. Activists need to become aware of their 
own prejudices regarding children and by extension their parents, and to take 
responsibility to ensure that the spaces they are creating are accessible. More on this later.

Barriers to involvement in activism include times and locations of meetings, the lack of 
childcare, or tokenistic childcare. Having a child or a baby at a meeting can be looked 
upon as too distracting for people who are not used to having children around. It is hard 
to come to events when you know that you will be the only one with a kid there. In some 
circles, mothers might even feel too uncomfortable to breastfeed. In Ireland, the social 
aspect of activism means that sometimes the real politics, planning and link-building 
happens in the pub afterwards, thus excluding kids and their parents. It is also just hard 
as a parent to get to meetings on time, or to commit to a group knowing that family 
concerns will come first. Being a working parent, or a working single parent compounds 
these problems. Time often seems too scarce to be involved in anything.

It was noted that these are self-perpetuating problems; the lack of children and parents 
around means that children and parents are forgotten about and not provided for, then they 
are not around. In our absence, there can be a feeling of other people speaking for us, 
missing our vital experience and perspectives.

There are other serious concerns which parents experience with regard to endangering 
themselves and their families. Parents may be less likely to put themselves in situations 
of physical peril, or to risk arrest than they were when they were childless. While 
children may enjoy some aspects of street protest, poster making and even leafleting, 
society can be quick to pass judgement on parents for ?imposing their beliefs?, and we 
can't always be certain that our children are safe from police violence. Children are 
often excluded from squatted spaces due sometimes to the inadequacy of the spaces, but 
also through parents' fears about inviting police and social services' involvement.

As activists, by our very nature we disagree with the societal institutions and norms that 
are in place, we feel driven to change things, we want to do things differently and to 
create alternatives, to challenge injustices. Our children are part of this, they cannot 
be excluded. We have to keep them safe, but we can't pretend they don't exist or shelve 
them into childcare while we talk about or work to change the world, because then we are 
changing nothing. And we shouldn't have to disappear with them to keep them safe. We wish 
to be authentic for our children; to model engaged lives. Society will always judge us for 
this, as it judges and attempts to control women from the moment they become pregnant. 
Solidarity is needed from the rest of the activist community. Parents should feel 
reassured that their communities will defend their right to be parents, no matter how 
engaged as activists they are. There are creative ways that communities may be called upon 
to do this ? from legal defense funds to more novel ideas ? for example a conceptual 
religion with a statute was mentioned as a way to protect families from state involvement!

By facilitating children and their parents, we are facilitating the organic growth of our 
communities, we are retaining people with years of valuable expertise, we are nurturing 
the activists of the future, we are continuing, rather than always starting over at 
adolescence, ending with exclusion. Activists starting out in their teens and twenties are 
excited at the discovery of activist spaces, they are excited at the existence of 
community outside of the sometimes dysfunctional family or local communities they have 
seen before. They may be excited to have escaped from the sight of parents and families 
that they view as conservative forces. They may be uncomfortable around children and their 
parents. To which we say, ?get over it?. Just as it is your responsibility to ensure that 
your events and venues are accessible to people of all abilities, genders and backgrounds, 
it is also your responsibility to ensure they are accessible to people of all ages and 
parental status.

What does this look like in practice? As with everything, it just requires a little 
planning and forethought. Social spaces should be generally safe for children to be 
present ? think about hand rails, drains, dangerous areas etc. There should be a quiet 
all-ages area with interesting games, books (children's literature exists!), building toys 
and art equipment.

Even where childcare is provided for meetings, expect and accept that some children will 
prefer or need to be with their parents at meetings. We can still have productive meetings 
with small disruptions. The birth activist meetings that I attend always have babies and 
children present. They get handed around, fed, picked up where necessary, saved from hot 
drinks and sharp corners, cooed at occasionally and taken out often. And the meetings 
continue.

Children and parents can be invited to participate in social/community spaces by 
organising specific events for children ? be these family film screenings, all-ages gigs 
or whatever child-focused events you come up with. One attendee at the meeting related his 
experience where his art space organised an all-day kids' party once a month. Bringing 
their children, parents built friendships and political links together. On party days some 
would share the childcare, and the others were free to go and participate in direct action 
together!

When planning events, thought should be given to the location and the time of the event, 
and whether parents will be excluded by virtue of these. Outdoor events where possible are 
much more fun for children. Have one person responsible for coordinating
childcare/activities over a long event, that can be a go-to person, and organise a rota 
where necessary. Consider the sleeping arrangements of kids and parents if there is an 
event over a few days ? e.g. kid houses, family camping spaces, shared childcare. Some of 
my most frustrating weekends away as a parent at activist events have involved having to 
leave the evening festivities early to sit in a tent or a room with a sleeping child.

Any childcare is better than none at all, but there are other ways that parents and 
children can be involved in events. When RAG organised a weekend feminist gathering in 
2008 we had an all-ages timetable of workshops and activities running alongside the other 
workshops. This worked really well and the all-ages activities were well attended and 
appreciated by all; with children, physicists and architects all trying to figure out the 
finer points of paper bag kite-making together!

When planning workshops, ask yourself whether this can be an all ages (or nearly all ages) 
workshop, if so, make it so, and advertise it as such. If it could be, but you would need 
a little extra help/ adjustment, then do that. If we care about a topic enough to workshop 
ideas for each other, then surely we can teach the children about it too ? if only for 15 
minutes of the time. They can also be relied upon for the most honest workshop critiques! 
Plan and advertise children's/all-ages workshops as far in advance as you would for any 
other, to allow parents to plan to attend.

Make an effort to engage with the children who populate your spaces and meetings, ask 
their parents what they need, what you can do to help. Play with the kids, you might like 
it! I attended a Birth Gathering at a lovely old farm in England a couple of years ago at 
which, by the nature of the event, there were many children. There was one man who cared 
for the kids all weekend, with other people helping out. There was a beautiful relaxed 
kids space, and the children were just helped to explore and play. By the end of the 
weekend they had created an incredible fortress city of hay bales, with its own agreed 
constitution and civilisation, learning from each other and including everyone from the 
youngest to the oldest. It was beautiful, as just as the parents came to the weekend to 
learn and create, so did the children. Just, sometimes, we learn and create in different ways.

There were other issues discussed in the meeting that I haven't touched upon; chats were 
had and connections were made. There is a feeling that the parents are hiding, that we 
need to find each other, to come back. Then maybe those conversations that we need to have 
as parents together can happen too ? about the work and the responsibility of raising 
children, the struggles we encounter. Parents and kids groups were proposed, and even a 
family festival! We ended with vegan chocolate brownies for all, and happy mothers' day 
wishes. Afterwards, we brought a bullet-point list of advice downstairs to be pinned up on 
the wall of Seomra Spraoi on what can be done to make events more kid/parent friendly. We 
are hoping that this advice, and some of the thoughts outlined in this meeting report will 
be taken on board by political and activist groups and spaces.

What can be done to make an event more kid/parent friendly?
Engage with the children around you
Plan all-ages workshops
Consider the time/place your meeting is on
Outdoor events
It is your responsibility to ensure that your event is inclusive for people of all 
different abilities/genders/ages/parental status etc.
Is your meeting on a topic kids need to be excluded from? If not, do you need to make some 
extra provisions to involve them?
Publicise kid-friendly/inclusive events in advance so parents can plan
Have kid-friendly zones/spaces
Ask parents what they need