I threw myself into the search for meaning, for love, for meaning, for being able to do something. Adven-ture after event after adventure I continued to grow up. Together with a comrade I met at Gerda's, Jean, I drove to Antwerp one evening. There was a club of the kind we had never been to before, and with young eyes we entered the scene with curiosity. We had a drink at the bar and the bartender told us that the special room was in the basement. Okay, let's explore – via a carpenter's ladder. We stepped down and our senses were sharpened - I just heard someone banging a chain - my nose was suddenly full of ciga-rette smoke - after the loud music from the upper bar the silence pressed on my ears - we descended fur-ther and I saw everywhere little red lights – cigarettes. It was pitch dark. The only light sources were the cigarette lights, like little lasers. I smelled sweat and bodies and I heard bodies too – but they didn't speak. We heard moans, groans, the sounds of bodies and hands finding and searching for each other – all senses tense, out of sight, searching and diving into sex.I wanted to have light. I whispered to Jean that I was going to look for light. He came along and together we went step by step down the walls, gently grab-bing with our hands – there must be a light switch here – I found one, I pulled it and –Flame. Blinding lights, a microsecond of shock, then frantic screaming. An orgy shrouded in darkness was suddenly bathed in clinical fluorescent light – everyone screamed, Jean screamed, I screamed. We were stared at, given dirty looks and I realized: So this is a darkroom!I quickly pulled the switch back down and grabbed my Raf's arm:
“Get out of here!”
We climbed the stairs back up and walked as quickly as possible towards the door. “Did you turn on the lights?!” The doorman and bartender crossed us towards the stairs.
“No, not us!” I shouted
and we rushed outside. Quickly get into the car and head back to Hasselt. Wow, that was all… exactly a sex film. We would have a lot to say to Gerda!
The adventure did not stop there, but took a completely different turn. When we drove out of Antwerp, we saw bright blue lights from several cars in the distance. Jean drove quite fast. We got closer and saw that the road was blocked by the gendarmerie - it was control. We had to pull into the parking lot and just wait until it was our turn. We had to drive slowly until the checkpoint and then stop. Suddenly Jean has a panic attack. I felt him wanting to put pressure on the accelerator - I quickly pulled the handbrake - but he started to accelerate. The car was rumbling incredibly loudly – I looked up and saw guns pointed at us; the gendarmes had us in their sights. I shouted at Jean to let off the accelerator.
“There's nothing wrong. Calm down"
My own body also started to react to the panic. I felt very cold and hot at the same time. Nothing could go wrong now or we would be riddled.
“Watch your breath Jean, calm down, pay attention to your breath.” He let off the gas. Good Lord- I waited until the engine had calmed down and jumped out of the car with my hands up.
“My friend had a panic attack!”
I shouted to the gendarmes – hoping, praying, shivering that we wouldn't be shot on the spot. I was sweating like crazy. A high-ranking state police officer approached us:
“That wasn't much of a difference, young man.”
Two others grabbed Jean and pushed him against the car – he started crying – I kept telling Jean he needed to breath and think. Eventually he calmed down. I had to empty my pockets. The gendarmes checked what they wanted. We were allowed to drive further to a designated place to calm down. Then we were allowed to leave.
What a luck. What a luck. We could have died there on the spot. We sat in the car, silent, recovering from the whole event.
"Are you mad at me?" Jean asked.
“Next time I'll shoot you first!”
“Oh, without a weapon?”
We burst out laughing. The tension was gone. Ultimately we were allowed to leave again and we arrived safely in Hasselt. We were lucky in the nick of time - the Gendarmerie didn't laugh at it - as the senior man said, it really didn't make much of a difference. Why was there such intense scrutiny going on? We still wondered. We had no idea.
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